Recovery Stories
For hope and encouragement, read about those who are now free of their eating disorders. May reading these recovery stories assure you that recovery from an eating disorder is possible.
If you’ve recovered from your eating disorder and would like to have your story included here, I’d love to hear from you. Find the submission guidelines on the bottom of this page.
My Story - My Journey to Freedom
By Laurie
I was anorexic for 6 years as an adult. It started following a series of losses, difficult circumstances, and years of dealing with undiagnosed health problems. In addition, I’d been giving and giving to others. Over time, I felt worn on all levels. I tried to tell others this was a difficult time for me, but they didn’t have anything to say. I tried talking to a couple of different counselors and each of them just made things worse. Feeling everything inside and around me was out of control, I sought control by limiting my food intake. I’d studied eating disorders so I knew what I was doing, but I felt powerless to stop it. I didn’t take it seriously at first and reasoned I would just do it temporarily to get through a difficult time. I was already depressed and suicidal, and for a time I saw the eating disorder as a slow way to take my life.
I’d been afraid to release my inner pain, but those unexpressed feelings only kept me bound to anorexia. I had to take the risk and start letting out my feelings. I spent countless hours in tears and there were times I didn’t even know where the tears came from, but I knew I had to release them. I also spent countless hours writing in my journal. This was vital for me because as I wrote down my thoughts and feelings, I gained new insights and discovered thoughts and feelings I didn’t even realize I had. Eventually I found healing through those tear-stained pages. As I experienced more peace in my heart, I was less drawn to restricting as well as less concerned about my weight and body image.
I wrote verses, quotes and other truthful statements on note cards in order to combat the lies and negative thoughts that were feeding the eating disorder. This was an effective way to change my thinking which led to changing my behavior.
I didn’t know how much to eat anymore. Therefore, I obtained a meal plan from a dietitian and learned to eat a healthy, balanced diet. I relied on the Lord to strengthen me.
Once I finally decided I truly wanted to break free of the eating disorder, I let Him lead my journey. Without Him, I wouldn’t have found the freedom I now embrace.
Encouragement for Others
Set small, manageable goals in order to reach your long-term recovery goals. The very common all or nothing mindset doesn’t usually work well in eating disorder recovery. This journey is completed one step at a time.
Arm yourself with truth and positive thoughts in order to combat the lies and negative thoughts that feed the eating disorder.
Be gentle with yourself. Learn from your slips and celebrate your victories.
My Story - Inside Amy
By LeAnne
Individuals with eating disorders understand each other when no one else does. I discovered that statement just a few years ago, when I finally accepted mine.
I was 32 when I realized something was not 100% with me. All throughout my life I tried so hard to be the perfect child, woman, wife, mother. Perfect, proper, and pleasing. Everyone else mattered but me. I experienced losses, too painful to deal with. Never share with anyone, that meant you were weak, just stuff them away, LeAnne, it will all go away in time. Sorry, life doesn’t work that way.
I slowly began to lose reality, my mind, my body, my family, friends, my husband and then 5 year old son. Anorexia nervosa had control, 100%. I lost my being; I was no longer LeAnne. I was this unknown, a misfit, a failure. I was an eating disorder. It was what I had grown up to be. With the support of my husband and family, I found therapy, treatment, and finally hospitalization. The structure, therapy, persistence, setbacks and being able to look forward to the future rather than back at the past enabled me to take one day at a time and accept me for me. It was really hard. I had this wonderful husband and healthy son. I had many things to live for. My empty heart needed fulfillment. I needed them and more.
I found a rewarding job in my school district working with children in the library. This gave me great pleasure and meaningfulness. My final stage into recovery was writing my story, my book, Inside Amy, Adults and Eating Disorders. Writing it all down helped me to understand my anorexia. I realized I did matter, I do have a place on this earth.
I began to speak about eating disorders in my area of northeast PA. I share my experience to educate others. I have come a long way, and you can, too.
Encouragement for Others
Ask for help, you deserve it. Talk to a trusted friend or family member who is a good listener. Better to have things out in the open rather than inside holding the real you back. You are a beautiful person. Show others inside you, a step at a time. It’s OK to enjoy living. I’ll say a little prayer for all of you, too. Promise.
To learn more about LeAnne's book, go to Inside Amy.
My Story - Free After 20 Years
By Susan
My eating disorder held me captive for 20 years. It began when I was 16 years old. Through my recovery, I discovered that as a little girl I never felt loved in my home. As I grew up I always felt like I didn’t fit in with the rest of the family; I felt invisible. I discovered that good grades or athletic achievements didn’t hold much value in our household, but size did. I worked very hard for many years to be “the thin one” so I would be accepted by my family.
It was late in January of 2004 when I realized I wanted help. I wanted to be healthy for my daughters. I wanted to be a grandmother and live a long life. I wanted to live.
Through my recovery, I learned that my eating disorder was my way of coping with an uncontrollable world. It was the only way I knew how to handle my emotional distress of feeling unloved and unworthy. Once I was able to loosen the grips of the eating disorder, I was able to see a whole new person underneath. The key for me was separating myself from the disorder. I refused to be defined by the disorder any longer; I had the power and the choice to let it go and begin a new life without it. To do this I needed support. That was crucial for me to realize because doing it alone was impossible. I reached out to the strongest hands I knew. The first hand was the Lord’s. I had to rely heavily on my faith and use His strength in my many hours of weakness. The second hand I reached for was my husband’s. He unselfishly devoted himself to me and to my recovery.
Another thing I needed was healthier coping skills. I needed life skills. Through my recovery program I was taught about boundaries, goal setting, stress management, identity, etc. However, my biggest lesson and a crucial turning point in my recovery was from a discussion with my Mom. While listening to her I opened my heart and saw her as a little girl growing up in an unhappy home. I saw her as a teenager being forced to marry the alcoholic father of her unborn child. It was then that I was able to understand that she had issues, insecurities and limitations of her own. That as my mother she loved me the best way that she knew how. That it wasn’t about me at all; it was about her. At that moment, I was free. Completely. That little girl inside me finally understood her childhood and she finally was at peace. She felt loved.
My greatest gift in all this has been finding Susan. I have discovered what makes me so special. I have embraced who I am and am proud of who I am. I have defined the person that I want to be in this world and I challenge myself every day to be that person.
Encouragement for Others
The hardest step is the first step. That’s the step where you chose recovery. It is a life decision. Understand that after that one step you will have many more to travel. Keep your steps tiny; go one day at a time; one hour at a time. Be patient with yourself and believe in yourself. There is life after an eating disorder. You need to believe that recovery is possible and that you absolutely deserve it!
My Story - A Transformational Journey
By Mary Pat
A transformational journey and process through a 24-year eating disorder.
At the age of 36 -I am learning that my life is indeed about me -just like your life is about you and it is not until I learn to acknowledge and love all parts of myself will I be able to live a healthy life.
I say healthy -not thin. Health has nothing to do with numbers. I no longer feel the need to wear the perfect size or be the perfect weight. There are so many ways to decide whether or not someone is healthy. When I walk into the doctor and they ask me to step on the scale I simply say, “I don’t do that -thank you anyway.”
I want the world to know my story and that Eating disorders are NOT pretty and there are so many who are suffering because they don’t fit the DSM IV criteria -I was told for a long time that I didn’t look like I had an eating disorder - I was told to simply eat from all the food groups. The individuals that made those suggestions to me were not in my chaotic mind with all the negativity swarming around -telling me that the world would be better off if I were dead.
That is just a glimpse of what I have to say in regards to eating disorders - I am very passionate about this topic because I have lived it and spent years having others tell me there was nothing they could do - or that I didn’t look like I had an eating disorder and in essence they were telling me to get over it.
What is the answer to eating disorders? LOVE for myself as a human being -because somewhere I got the idea that I wasn’t enough.
Encouragement for Others
Eating disorders are not about the food - as many have stated so many times before - they are about how we feel about ourselves as human beings, living on this planet.
Somewhere along the line being selfish and having self-care became construed and children were taught not to think about themselves.
Empowerment is the answer -taking an active role in our own lives and learning how to really listen to one another and to give one another the dignity of our own life journey and simply being with us.
Eating disorders are not something to get over -they are something to be embraced with love. When we love the parts inside us that hurt -the healing process can begin.
My Story - Finding My True Self and Inner Beauty
By Andrea
My name is Andrea. I am 26 years old and a recovered anorexic and bulimic. I am Austrian, married to a wonderful Canadian and am living in beautiful BC, Canada. I struggled with eating disorders for six long years and have finally overcome these deadly diseases – and this is my story…
When I was thirteen years old, a girl who was two years older than me, said to me that my face looked weird when I smiled and then she started to laugh. I was very confused; I did not know what to say and I blushed. I had never paid much attention to my smile until that day. When I came home from school, I looked at myself in the mirror. I smiled. I used two mirrors and looked at my smile at different angles. I stared at myself for hours and came to the conclusion that this girl was right: My smile was ugly! I looked ugly when I smiled. And on this day I decided not to smile anymore. It took me almost ten years till I learnt to love my smile again. This happened about three years before my eating disorder developed but it was the first step towards disliking and hating my face and eventually my body.
Around this time, my skin started to get unclear too and I developed acne. I already did not like my face because of my ‘ugly’ smile and having unclear skin made me hate my face even more. I became depressed and cried a lot. I started wearing make up to cover up the red spots on my face. I would not leave the house without putting it on – so ashamed I was of my face. I did not like people looking at me, at my skin – I did not want them to look at what was ‘wrong’ with me.
When I was fifteen years old, I had this thought in my head that I had to lose some weight around my hips. So I began experimenting with diets. By the age of sixteen, I was anorexic.
After graduating at the age of eighteen, I became bulimic.
I started binging in order to try and fill the emptiness inside of me. I felt disgusted by myself and what I was doing. I was very ashamed and embarrassed of my behaviour. For the longest time I did not tell anyone about my problem and struggled on my own, secretly and in silence.
My turning point was when I met a wonderful man from Canada who is now my husband. In the beginning of our relationship, I didn't tell him about my eating disorder. I was afraid that if he found out he would leave me. When I was around him, I would eat "normal" and it felt good. For the first time in years I felt "normal".
It took a couple of months till I was ready to tell him about my eating disorder. He had not even noticed and was quite surprised about it. He took me in his arms and said that we would get through this together and that he would always be there for me and do whatever it took to get me healthy again.
And today, I am healthy. I am grateful for my body and love myself and my life. And I am thankful that my body has not given up on me after many years of abuse.
My journey to recovery was difficult and I had to take one day after the other. I had setbacks, I had a lot. And every time I fell, I got up again and continued on my journey. I did my best not to look back but forward. Brandon was always there for me and with me, every step of the way. We talked a lot and I told him everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. There were a lot of things I told him that were not pretty, but no matter what I said; his feelings for me did not get any less. He never judged me or my behaviour, no matter what I did.
My husband also taught me to smile again. Now, I actually love my smile. I did not smile on pictures for almost ten years, and now, whenever pictures are taken I am the first one to smile!
I am so thankful for having Brandon in my life. His love and support were what I needed to find the strength in me to beat this disorder.
Encouragement for Others
I want you to know that it IS possible to recover. Please don’t give up on yourself.You can get through this! I know. I did it, and so can you!
You can learn to enjoy your life again. Please keep on believing in yourself and continue to be strong. Food and your body are NOT the enemy, even though it sometimes feels like it.
You are a wonderful human being - one day, I know you will be able to see this!
To read more about Andrea's recovery story, see You Are Not Alone.
My Story - Breaking the Bondage of Bulimia
By Mimi Marie
My God, my friend, deep gratitude to you for your miraculous healing hand in my life. The mountainous five-year battle with bulimia would have led me to death without your praying for me.
Obsession with food and the numbers on the scale distracted me from my true purpose in this world. It was easy to believe Satan’s lies. In my distorted mindset, God’s truth was far removed. I believed that my weight defined my worth, so being thin was vital.
Triggered by stress, bulimia diverted me from my pain. Whenever I purged, I released all tension and sadness from rejection, hatred from hurt, trauma from sexual abuse. My fix, the compulsion, controlled me instead of me controlling it. The cycle led to a dark, shameful and isolated life.
A wife and mother of one, I prayed for God to help me. The humiliation of the disease bound me to secrecy. It was my responsibility to get me out of the mess that I had created. I was going to die, and soon, if I didn’t get help.
“You have traveled through these mountains long enough. Turn north.” Deuteronomy 2:3(NCV) One dark evening, I cried out to God. My Savior scooped me up and navigated me to turn “north” as stated in Deuteronomy 2:3. He carried me in His loving arms. His forgiveness comforted me. The next week I learned I was pregnant with my second son. Astonishing! He was a miracle that God sent in His perfect time. The bulimia had ceased my menstrual cycle and doctors had insisted that I’d never bear anymore children. God discarded that theory.
Darkness, loneliness and fear vanished after He delivered me from the bondage of bulimia. My unborn miracle was a second stepping stone. The first was to admit I was powerless. It nudged me to care for myself and led me out of misery.
Through prayer and God’s Word, I learned that my value doesn’t come from the bathroom scale, but from Christ alone. He opened my eyes to what matters, living for Him. I was in search of God’s peace. I found it when I received His mercy. By ultimately recognizing that God is in control, the burden of seeking control within has lifted.
Through His Word, God showed me how important it was for me to take care of my body. In 1 Corinthians 6:19 (NCV) it says: You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies. Caring for my body means I honor God; He showed me that eating to live, not living to eat, falls under that category. Food is no longer my comfort; He is.
The lies that Satan tried to get me to believe vanished over time. God showed me in I Peter 5:8 (NCV) how destructive the enemy’s plan is and how I need to stand strong in my faith. “Control yourselves and be careful! The devil, your enemy, goes around like a roaring lion looking for someone to eat. Refuse to give in to him, by standing strong in your faith…..” My strength came from God, and only through Him, was I able to win the battle.
Psalm 116:1-8 (NCV) - I love the Lord, because he listens to my prayers for help. He paid attention to me, so I will call to him for help as long as I live. The ropes of death bound me, and the fear of the grave took hold of me. I was troubled and sad. Then I called out the name of the Lord. I said, “Please, Lord, save me!” The Lord is kind and does what is right; our God is merciful. The Lord watches over the foolish; when I was helpless, he saved me. I said to myself, “Relax, because the Lord takes care of you.” Lord, you saved me from death. You stopped my eyes from crying; you kept me from being defeated.
Encouragement for Others
I believe the first step in breaking the cycle of bulimia is to surrender it to God. Allow Him to rescue you. Receive His mercy, love, grace and forgiveness. He gives so generously! Believe that He will deliver you from the bondage that the enemy has put in your path. He will deliver you! Don’t waste the free gift that God sent His Son for you to have. Psalm 40:1-3 (NCV)-“I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of destruction, out of the sticky mud. He stood me on a rock and made my feet steady. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God…..” and He will for you too, if you let Him.
Pressures from peers, family, and the media and lack of self-esteem are factors that lead to bulimia. In most cases, the mistreatment of food seeks to resolve underlying emotional issues. My prayer for those battling this disease is to never give up hope because, “God can do anything.” Luke 1:37 As a gentleman, He waits for us to make the first move. Through suffering and healing, God’s glory will be shown in His perfect time.
My Story - Finding Your Way Through the Maze
By Debbie
Before I could walk, sitting in a high chair in my grandmother’s Italian kitchen, there were proud smiles and praises uttered from the lips of my grandmother as I attempted to swallow more ravioli than an adult. Standing next to her was my mother pulling the food out of my mouth. That is when my eating disorder first walked into my life. Pulling food out of my mouth was the start of the expectation of perfection in my life.
I was to be the perfect daughter, perfect student, and have the perfect body. I was the ray of sunshine in the family. I learned through the years I never really felt love for me. I felt I was an outsider in my own family. It seemed that no matter the number of achievements and accolades I received the only thing that mattered was my size. Being thin would make me a valued member of my family.
The scale determined whether it was a good day or a bad day. Obsession with food also kept me from defining my place and what I should be doing in the world. But no matter how little I weighed I did not think I was thin enough. If the number was too high, it threw me into a savage binge and the exhausting cycle would go on forever. I began to feel like everything inside and outside of me was out of control. Food became a way for me to bring control to my life. When I was depressed and suicidal, I would limit my caloric intake to the point where it was a slow, but sure way to take my life. Consuming thousands of calories was a way of coping when I felt reality slipping in an out of control world. It was the best way to cope with stress and the best way to take away the hurt, pain and trauma. Then, a state of panic would build and negative feelings and emotions would erupt about what I had done, and I had to eliminate the food. I began with laxatives, diuretics, vomiting and starving.
My eating disorder held me hostage for more years than I wish to remember. The first step through the maze began when I entered therapy. Although I tried many times and walked away frustrated with myself believing my eating disorder could not be fixed, little did I know in that final walk away, I was walking into recovery. For days, it bothered me and I told myself, Debbie does not fail. Period. I knew after many years with the most loving, devoted and giving mentor, he had given me tools to establish a recovery process. The light bulb went on, so to speak, and I began to process the empowerment that was there, but had not yet surfaced. In therapy, he performed a healthy eating marriage ceremony. He married me to healthy eating. He wrote and signed a marriage certificate. I went into my files and brushed off the dust and remembered my commitment. I made an appointment to see my doctor and his nurse/dietician for a new eating plan. The plan has put healthy eating, portion control and delicious food all in one package.
Many of my eating issues had to do with my mother. He taught me how to reframe the scenarios that had been eating away at me for my lifetime. I feel now she did her best. She loved me the way she knew how. It was not really about me at all; it was all about her. When I finally let go, little Debbie was at peace, the war over. To continue with a transformation, he suggested rewriting my life. At 56, I did not think that was possible. However, now I can’t keep away from the computer. I feel it may be a very important stage of the recovery process. Recovery does not mean perfection. It will always be a work in progress. It is not something you get over. You plan for the slips and you celebrate the successes.
Encouragement for Others
Having a mentor can be very beneficial. Through out this story I talk of my mentor. He came into my life at a perfect time and has been with me and there for me under every condition of my life. I trust him with my life and have deep love and admiration for him both professionally and personally. He has showed me that I do have a place in this world in a successful recovery process with the eating disorder. He has me looking at life as healthy instead of size and numbers. He has led me to believe that I can love myself.
My Story - Recovered and Forgiven
By Stefanie
My struggles with bulimia began when I was 17. I didn’t even see it coming. But looking back, I realize two very important things. One – my perfectionist personality was paving a road to destruction for quite some time. Unfortunately, I didn’t allow myself to seriously address my perfectionism until it had taken over. And two – my best friend at the time, whom I thought was a source of comfort and support, was actually enabling me. She began struggling with eating disorders right before I did, and it took almost 2 years before I was able to say goodbye to her and make the decision to get better without her rather than get worse with her. Moving on from that friendship was so painful at the time, but it has turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself.
Another important realization I have been able to make in retrospect is that my problem was not over when the purging stopped. My bulimic tendencies gradually became less frequent and less overwhelming, which led me to believe that I was healed and no longer needed to see my psychologist. However, the underlying feelings remained active and unresolved, which led to relapses. Also, I have come to realize that “definitions” for eating disorders are useless, in my opinion. My bulimia was far less devastating and controlling than the cases you hear about in the media – I never binged, I didn’t purge every day (sometimes I would go months at a time without purging), I never lost more than a pound or two of weight, and I never suffered from any serious health problems because of it. Even though I didn’t meet all the conditions that “define” a bulimic person, I still had a very real and very terrible problem.
The turning point in my recovery was when I confessed my dark secret to my boyfriend of 6 years. I remember the exact moment I decided to come clean, and I knew in my heart that it would be extremely difficult, but would ultimately lead me to healing. The months following that were the most painful of my life, but also the most important in my recovery. At times it seemed that my world would fall apart, and that taking these final steps to recover would be more painful than retreating back into the disorder. I began seeing a counselor to help me through this extremely challenging process of coming to terms with my past. Gradually, my boyfriend was able to forgive me (and we are now happily married!), but more importantly I was able to forgive myself. I made amends with God, and He healed my body, mind, and soul. My relationships with my husband, with myself, and with God have been infinitely strengthened. I know that I am truly recovered, and it’s a wonderful thing.
Encouragement for Others
I hope my story of recovery can help others to find strength and conviction within themselves to overcome eating disorders. Please do not ever let yourself feel that your problem is not severe enough to get help. If you are even thinking about adopting eating disorder behaviors, confront those thoughts right away! Do not underestimate the power of eating disorders – they will take the control away from you before you know it. I pray that you never lose faith in God. Give yourself over to Him, and he will save you. If you find music inspirational, listen to the band Flyleaf. Their message is what led me to the turning point in my recovery. Separate yourself from negative influences – the power you gain will be far more valuable than the losses you may have to endure. Never give up.
Recovery Tastes Good
By Sarah
I’ve always had a strange relationship with food and weight, but for most of my life I was in denial. I considered it normal to skip meals at school, to compulsively exercise at university and to use starvation to punish myself when I lost my first job. At first I was able to keep most of this a secret, but eventually family and friends started to notice. Tentative comments about my weight loss and strange behaviours were ignored, and I isolated myself more and more.
Eventually I took a chance on real life, and took a holiday to New York with friends. It should have been amazing, but my eating disorder ruined it. It was at this point I realised that I wasn’t just hurting myself, but others too.
After much persuasion I visited the doctor in an attempt to find some answers, and hopefully, some help.
It wasn’t easy to pinpoint the underlying issues. I’d spent years burying them deep inside myself and initially I wanted to keep them locked away. I retreated further into the eating disorder and ended up in hospital, dangerously ill and more confused than ever. A month on a general ward achieved little, and it was only when I was rescued by admission to a specialist clinic, that the hard work truly began.
I had various forms of therapy. Body image, CBT, family work. I talked to staff, I cried and screamed. I used art and writing to explore my feelings. I discovered how complex the eating disorder really was. It was rooted in so many different areas of my life and untangling all the issues was hard work, a creative process of self discovery that I eventually wrote a book about. There is a link provided below.
At first I wasn’t recovering for me, I was simply putting on a front for others, going through the motions and feigning recovery. But little by little, I found reasons to fight. I wanted to play piano again, to have children, and a career I truly loved. A picnic outside with other patients in the clinic showed me that food could be enjoyed. I kept thinking of things I wanted to try. Goals I wanted to achieve. I dreamed of learning to ride a motorbike, of travelling the world, and of writing a book.
The first two have yet to come, but I have written a book, and I couldn’t have done that without recovery. A healthy body and a healing mind have enabled me to do so much more with life than I ever imagined.
Encouragement for Others
There is lots of advice I could give, but my main message is to have faith. That recovery is possible. That you can achieve it. That this will give you a better chance at life and happiness than an eating disorder ever could. So seek help, everyone deserves help and support. Have hope. Believe in yourself. Because everyone deserves health and happiness.
Cleck here to learn more about Sarah's book, Mariposa. It is currently in ebook form and will be available in paperback later in 2010.
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